


I need you, I need you (more than anyone, darling)

by cravingformore



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Best Friends, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Hurt Cassian Andor, Mutual Pining, Texting, Unresolved Romantic Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-10
Updated: 2018-05-10
Packaged: 2019-05-04 13:46:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14594337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cravingformore/pseuds/cravingformore
Summary: Cassian was gone. Jyn couldn't believe it, but there it was, on the news: "Young man lost at sea."Jyn felt her heart drop.





	I need you, I need you (more than anyone, darling)

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by a writing prompt I saw on Pinterest: https://pin.it/cidkyxhvk3uy77 .
> 
> So there's a language here that Cassian doesn't understand, and because I am too tired to do research I'll mix up my universe-ish and make it my mother tongue, which is NOT spoken AT ALL in the regions of this story.
> 
> Title from Build Me Up Buttercup by The Foundations, but I had STACEY's version in mind. Actually it was playing in my head when I was thinking of a title, hence it became the title.

"Jyn, I told you, I'll be fine. I have Kay and Bodhi with me, we'll all be safe."

Cassian had been fighting with Jyn, his best friend, for weeks about this trip. Since their relationship had more or less started with a life-or-death situation, Jyn felt she was entitled to worry. Cassian wasn't as good at keeping himself safe as he was at keeping others. 

But now he was leaving. Bodhi and Kay were on the boat already, waiting patiently for Cassian to finish his goodbyes. "C'mon, Jyn. You know I'll always come back for you. Trust me?"

His goodbyes always included "trust". Jyn hated herself for letting her say "Trust goes both ways" at the very beginning of their acquaintance. She knew Cassian trusted her. She had to trust him. It's what their friendship was built on. 

Jyn glanced behind him at the boat.

"I'll be waiting for you to come back. I hate you for excluding me." 

Cassian grinned and to hug her, not because he had gotten her approval (because he would have left with or without it), but because every time she trusted him, he felt blessed - like when a wild bird lands on your hand on its own accord. Or when a cat sleeps on you, on its back so her weak points are exposed to you.

Jyn normally didn't do "trust". 

She hugged him back, then kissed his cheek. "Have fun." With one last smile she left without looking back. She had the worst feeling in her gut, like this was a big mistake. 

Things went bad soon. Cassian was gone. Jyn couldn't believe it, but there it was, on the news: "Young man lost at sea." Cassian's smiling face.

Jyn felt her heart drop.

She instantly grabbed her phone and called Kay.

He replied almost immediately. "I knew you would call."

"Cut the crap, Kay, and tell me what is the meaning of this?!" She felt a dread grow inside her. This couldn't be real.

"Cassian is lost at sea."

Jyn would have snorted if she wasn't filled with rage and fear. "Yeah, I gathered. How did that happen? How could you lose him? Where the _fuck_ is he?"

# 3 days later

Cassian was far away. He had been saved by friendly.p fishers, and was being nursed to health.

He had been underwater too long. His lungs were filled with salt water. Luckily they found him when they did - a few moments later no one could have saved him.

When he awoke, all he could remember was sad, green eyes. After a second he placed a name on them - Jyn Erso, his best friend - and a few after that, why they were sad - she hadn't wanted him to go - go where?

On a sailing trip with the boys, he remembered. Bodhi, Kay. Where were they? Jyn was safe with her practically adoptive parents, Chirrut and Baze - her family in all but name.

Why did he think of Jyn so much? It seemed her name was circling his mind. He felt a need to see her. 

He got up and noticed his phone. Had it died? It was in a bag of rice... Who was trying to save it? 

A man came in, speaking a language he didn't understand, obviously trying to make him lie down again. Cassian tried to ask what was going on, where was he, but they didn't have a common language.

Cassian could speak Spanish and English, but not much else. He felt like he had never even heard of this language before. He thought he heard the word "America" somewhere in his talking. He nodded at that. "Yes, sí, America," he tried both "yes"-words, trying to find a common ground. Which language would be easier for them to understand?

But it seemed the fisher's "yes" was "kyllä".

"Kyllä, Amerikka? Vai on herra amerikkalainen?" The man tutted. "Ei tuollaisten tarvitsisi ollenkaan edes yrittää purjehtia." He started to move closer and only now did Cassian notice the food he was carrying. "Toivottavasti sinulla on edes nälkä."

Cassian was dying of hunger, he found as he saw the delicious-looking fish on the plate.

The man walked to a wall and pointed at it. "Meillä on sähkö, mutta kenttää ei ole paitsi jos joku risteilijä pysähtyy lähelle. Toin sinulle laturin." There was a phone charger plugged in.

"Oh, you have electricity?" Cassian was overjoyed. He immediately reached out to his phone and plugged it in, and - thank the Maker - it came to life.

"Kuinka sanotaan englanniksi 'ei kenttää'?" muttered the man while he retreated.

Once Cassian's phone was open the horrible truth hit him. There was no reception. "But there's no reception," he said to the man.

The man stopped, snapped his fingers and said, "Reception. Nii, no-reception. Sori." He truly looked sorry. He looked contemplating. "Siitä on ihan liian kauan kun minä opiskelin englantia... Joskus... Öhöm, sometime? Risteilijä?" He was pantomiming a boat.

"A boat?"

"Ei, ei..." "Ei" seemed to mean "no". "Iso. Big. Big boat."

"A ship?"

"Nii!" He looked happy. "Sometime, ship, reception."

"Sometimes a ship brings reception?"

"Nii," smiled he. 

What the hell does "nii" mean?

And so Cassian figured out that he was stuck on an island the fishers leave once a year, and they had just arrived. The next time they left was in six months. They had no reception, only an emergency phone only for absolute emergencies. Cassian understood from the men's talk that they were going to use it when he had started to breathe by himself again, which meant he was out of the "emergency"- spectrum. He was pretty sure that's what they meant.

When none of them could speak English or Spanish, Cassian felt very alone. He had figured some words they spoke, but enough to realise the language was way more complicated than English or Spanish. They sometimes said words that sounded kind of similar but in different situations, and they sounded like they spoke sarcastically most of the time, and Cassian rarely saw them even touch each others. He figured it was a culture thing.

He felt very alone.

# 6 months later

"Jyn, you have to come with us," Leia said to Jyn again one day. 

"I haven't gone ever before, and yet here I am."

Luke, Leia's twin brother, took Leia by the arm. "Come, Leia, it's fine. She'll come when she feels like it."

Leia glared at Jyn. "She will never feel like it if she doesn't let go of Ca-"

"Leia!" Luke snapped. It was a rare occasion.

Jyn got up quickly, and Leia did look sorry. "It's fine. Just go. I'll be watching Netflix, waiting to put you to bed, if you don't spend the night with Han."

And so she was alone, when she walked into her room.

She was in the second episode when her phone started to ring her message ringtone non-stop. Annoyed, she picked her phone up and then her heart stopped when she saw who it was.

_New Messages from cASSian_

She hurriedly picked up her phone again and read the messages. There was a lot of them.

_Hey Jyn. I'm okay, just had a little scare there. Was saved by some fishers who live on this island for half a year every year. They have no reception. I don't understand a word they speak._

_Hey Jyn. Don't know what else to do. The men don't seem to like me. I try to clean their house while they're gone._

_I don't know if I'll ever get off this island._

_Went to help the men fish. Almost died again._

_Jyn, I miss you so much._

_There's a storm today here. Made me think of you. I miss you._

_The men don't speak much English, but I'm starting to pick up some words they say, thankfully. They say a word a lot, and when I tried to say it, they started laughing and saying "no!" Either I said it really badly or it's a word I'm not supposed to say._

_The men don't touch a lot, I noticed. You'd like them._

_Hey Jyn. You must think I'm dead. Well, in five more months I'll give you the biggest scare of your life. Ha. You'll probably punch me, but I miss you so much I'll even beg you to hit me again, I swear._

_Jyn, since I haven't seen you in months and I've been thinking about only you in these months the men have finally found the English vocabulary to tell me I'm an idiot._

_I've figured the language they speak is Finnish. No wonder I understand nothing._

There were a lot, and Jyn was so mad at Cassian right now. (She was also feeling relieved and felt like crying.) When she had read all of them she got a new message.

_Hey Jyn._

Jyn was so angry she couldn't even type, but luckily her doorbell rang and she got a little more time. It was Bodhi, or Kay, or someone who was always worried for her. She would send them away and then send Cassian a very, very angry message. 

She opened the door and closed it immediately. 

"FUCK YOU," she yelled through the door at him.

"Jyn, please let me in!" Cassian yelled back, but with notably less rage.

She went to her kitchen and Cassian kept ringing her doorbell. "No, you bastard! You're never getting in here again!"

She started making tea without even thinking about it. 

"Jyn, you can't let me not see you after so long!"

She pulled out her phone and started typing, then sent the message.

Cassian was silent, then said, "Really?"

Jyn typed again. She could faintly hear the message sound from Cassian's phone.

"That's fair." He sighed. "Jyn, I haven't even gone to see the others first. I needed to see you as fast as I could."

More angry typing. Another too chipper message sound.

"I would have come of I could have, you have to understand that!" Cassian seemed stressed. "Please, Jyn, I can't pbare be without you anymore."

Jyn's heart leaped. She didn't do anything, she was too scared. Of what? What was she scared of? There was nothing scary going on. Cassian was back home.

There was a sound of sitting down against the door. "Six months without you madee realise something, Jyn. Please, please, let me in, I want to say it to your face, not your door."

He waited. There was a long, long silence, and Cassian got up from the floor he had sunk to, and with one last look at her door started to turn away.

Then, as if his look had magical powers, the door opened. There stood Jyn, beautiful Jyn, her hair on a very messy bun, yesterday's make up still on her face, in baggy clothing.

And she punched him. Somewhere in his mind, he heard the yell of "KO!"

Jyn had to carry him inside, onto her couch. Then she went to the kitchen, took a can of water and splashed it on him. He woke up soon after.

"A KO is enough for me. No need to beg for another, I think," she casually made conversation in a voice that sounded like she was talking about the weather.

"Jyn," he stupidly said, smiling. She wondered if she had hit him too hard.

"What is it that you wanted to tell me, you absolute idiot?"

Cassian was silent for a while, then looked away. "I've been hearing men speak a language I can't understand for six months, please tell at me first, it sets me back."

"You want me to yell at you? Okay. Good, because I have something to yell about. You ABSOLUTE fucking WANKER, how dare you leave me for months? Kay and Bodhi come home and I find out, from the NEWS, that Mr. I-Promise-I'll-Come-Back-For-You is missing and PRESUMED DEAD! They search for you for THREE MEASELY MONTHS because you had been at OPEN SEA even when you said you'd STAY BY THE COASTLINE! NO inhabitants for MILES each way! And then, when I'm just about to get over the fact that you might be dead, you SEND ME MESSAGES? HOW COULD YOU NOT SEND MESSAGES SOONER?"

Jyn took a deep breath and Cassian was looking at her like she was the moon, which made her take a breath but she just used it as an excuse to yell more.

"SIXTH months, Cassian, for SIX WHOLE MONTHS both Kay and Bodhi blame themselves for you death, and you come to see ME first? Did you even send them messages?"

"I did, they know I'm here, so I have only a little time. Jyn, I really do hate to interrupt, but they said they'll be here in -" he looked at the clock "- fifteen minutes. You can tell at me later, but now..." He took her shaking (from anger) hands into his and he gently kissed both wrists. "I love you."

Jyn was frozen, and she probably would have retreated if Cassian didn't hold her hands tightly in his. She couldn't speak.

"I always have. Ever since I saw you, ever since I first saw your eyes, I have loved you. I'm very glad I was lost, because it made me realise that, well, first of all, I love you, and second, if I didn't say it to you, when could I? We could die any moment, and I want to die only if you know how I feel." He smiled his gentle smile and his eyes were sad. "You don't have to love me. I'll be your best friend if you so wish, but I just had to let you know."

She was silent and couldn't look at him. She couldn't see his eyes, the way he looked at her like she was a piece of art, like she had the stars in her eyes. She removed her hands from his and retreated, and she couldn't look at the hurt in his eyes.

She was at the very opposite end of the room, her hands close to her chest when she finally replied. "I want to be your best friend." Then she looked at him and stood straighter, and smiled cheekily at his dead eyes. "But the best relationships are that way."

He was by her in an instant. They were back at the very start of their acquaintance, when they were sure they were going to die, and they were in that elevator - they were orbiting each other. 

And then Kay, followed closely by Bodhi, came in.

"CASS- oh."

"Nice to see you're alive. Bye."

**Author's Note:**

> So 75% is written in a moving transport with a dog traveling on me or next to me or on me. The rest is written very sleep-deprived. I'm very sorry, this seemed like a good idea at the time.


End file.
